This is a great question! Whether you are having your first child or you have ten, it’s a valid concern. Kids require a lot of time, energy and focus. I have revisited this questions so many times throughout my 15 years of motherhood.
1- Leave things behind.
Some things are worth leaving behind.
I remember the first time I turned down smoking. I was 17 and had just discovered I was pregnant only days before. My friend was riding in the passenger seat and offered me a joint.
“No thanks. Probably shouldn’t.” It was so casual, yet that was the first decision I made for my daughter instead of just myself.
Not everything about us is great.
When we start making decisions for other people and not just ourselves it can actually be refreshingly cleansing – a chance to let go of bad habits and choices.
2- Expect that what you looks like will shift.
The night before my scheduled c-section with my first daughter, I thought to myself, ‘I guess this is my last night being a teenager.’ (I was only 18 when I had her) I think it was totally normal for me to feel like I was about to ‘lose myself’, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I found more joy in being a mom than I ever thought possible. Instead of ‘losing myself,’ my quirky teen-self shifted into a quirky mom-self. It looked like odd adventures, crazy games and techno dance parties with my children.
I didn’t lose me, I just shifted what me looks like.
3- Set aside certain things intentionally.
Don’t begrudgingly neglect your desires. If there are things you realize you need to set aside for a season do so intentionally, with the clear purpose of being more available to your children.
No kid needs to grow up feeling like they are the reason for their parents unmet dreams and aspirations. Instead, consciously set aside those things that are not for now. As time goes on, revisit them to see if they can come back to the front burner.
4- Embrace motherhood bringing out new things within you.
My husband and I went on a date when I was pregnant with our first son. At that point we already had three girls.
He grinned thinking about raising a son and said, “I feel like there’s a part of me as a dad that hasn’t come out yet because I haven’t had a son.” He felt as though there was more inside of him, more that only raising a son would bring out.
Who knows what great things are within you that you would otherwise never discover! Embrace this as an opportunity to discover more of yourself.
5- Don’t put everything on the back burner.
I don’t believe being a great mom means you put your children first in everything. Certainly God and your marriage should be a higher priority. Additionally, your children should see you pursue other things!
I believe it is so good for our children to see us struggle, accomplish, work hard, prioritize, set goals, find solutions to barriers. That is all really good parenting.
6- Bring your children along.
I can’t tell you how many things I actually enjoy more with my kids! There is so much children can participate in. Why set aside your love for hiking when you can bring your children with you?
One of the greatest things we can pass on is our passion.
Include your kids as much as possible in doing the things you love!
7- Remember that life is long.
I was excited the other day when I got to watch an interview with author Sally Clarkson. She was asked the question, “What would you say to mothers who want to write but are having a hard time finding the time and balance?” What she said surprised me. She said, “You have a whole lifetime… I see people all the time… who are urgent to do everything in this moment… But authenticity is going to come from being faithful in the small and unseen areas of life.”
“You have a whole lifetime…I see people all the time… who are urgent to do everything in this moment… But authenticity is going to come from being faithful in the small and unseen areas of life.”
Sally Clarkson
We so often hear about how short life is, but it’s also very long. Just because you have to set something aside for now, doesn’t mean you have to set it aside forever. There are many seasons in motherhood, and each season has something different it offers.
Don’t you love her last statement? “Authenticity is going to come from being faithful in the small and unseens areas of life.“
In a world that is striving to be seen, I challenge you to embrace being a great mom in the unseen, unnoticed, everyday areas of life. I believe that is where you will discover your most authentic and true self.
