Boy. Parenting teens is a whole other ballgame. It’s actually a different sport entirely!
When all the kids were little we had so much freedom. (Those of you with littles are laughing, but hear me out!) Freedom to create our own rules, guidelines, traditions, schedules, you name it. However, as the kids have gotten older we don’t have the same small bubble we used to.
As children become more independent, have more friends and become more involved in the culture, they bring those things home. This is not all bad by any means. The classical music and jazz that used to dominate the speakers has been replaced by ‘other’ music.
We’ve had many talks lately about what “everyone else” gets to do. I’ll be honest, those are hard talks. I have no problem putting restrictions on things, but I’ve realized the older they get the more of a burden those restrictions become to them.
They receive the brunt of any comments and assumptions, not me. They are the ones left out of conversations, not me. They are the ones that are made fun of, not me.
I’m treading slowly and carefully, trying to navigate different personalities, different friends, different world-views and different ideas.
The other night we had, yet again, another conversation about what the kids are allowed to do. It was a good but hard conversation that overall went really well.
The conversation seemed to center around a particular word — normal. What ‘normal’ kids get to do. What’s ‘normal’ for other people. We heard her out and we are continuing the conversation regarding issues that are very important to her.
But one thing kept burning in my mind and heart until I finally said it. “Yes, but we are not raising you to be normal kids! We are not raising you to be ordinary, average humans! You have great things inside of you and we are raising you as we are because we believe you have great potential!”
Something about that statement resonated with her. She understood.
I am learning a lot and have a lot to learn about raising children and teens. One things I’m discovering more and more with our teens is that they want to know why. They want to know the narrative. They want the story and the feelings behind our actions.
This has brought a lot of important things to the surface in our conversations. And this past one was no exception.
See, Jesus said that narrow was the road that leads to eternal life and few will find it. But broad and wide is the road that leads to destruction.
I don’t want to unnecessarily burden my children with restrictions. I want to hear them out fully. But I also won’t ignore the potential I see in them and just assume that it will somehow come out as they just go along with the wide flow of society. I’m going to do everything I can to be sure it is fully realized, and that won’t always be ‘normal’.
May God bless you in your parenting! Pray for us as we navigate this journey with humility, a sensitive spirit and a gracious heart.
