We recently had a “Parents for the Day” day. This means the children get to be parents, while the parents get to be kids. That’s right. The kids get to make the choices, plans and take on the parent responsibilities, while the parents are relieved of their responsibilities and take on the role of the children. This is the third time we have done this courageous experiment.
There are some rules of course:
- Should someone be in danger or if there is an issue of major concern, the parents will resume their role for safety purposes.
- The children assuming the role of parents must work together to make decisions for everyone. They work essentially like husband and wife. Thankfully for me, my husband and I are more on the mellow side when it comes to arguing, so when I encourage them to work it out like us, that implies a certain amount of respect etc. If your problem solving techniques tend towards things like yelling, walking away before the problem is solved etc. then your children may more naturally imitate these qualities.
- We as the parents, retain all of our understanding, knowledge and ability, but not necessarily maturity. In other words, the children can use us as a resource for how to do things etc. but we may not have the maturity to step in and help when there is a problem. Instead we need to be asked. And for that matter, we may not always comply easily.
- Whatever goes on in the day cannot effect any plans for tomorrow. For example, staying up late may be alright, but staying up ridiculously late will effect the next day.
- The house needs to be back to its original condition by 8:00pm. So start with a clean house!
I encourage familes to try this. Come up with your own rules to help guide the day based on your needs and dynamics.
A word of caution to parents:
While it may be tempting, don’t use this day as a chance to “get back” at your children. For instance, one or more of your kids may be in a stage of defiance and/or whining. It would be appropriate for you as “the child” to act out some amount of whining and/or defiance simply because your role is to act as a kid would. However, acting out these qualities in attempt to make a point to your child about how much they frustrate you will likely cause the day to be somewhat painful. It will take away from it’s learning potential.
A word of caution to children:
The same caution goes to children as well. This is not a chance to get back at your parents for the ways they may frustrate you. It is appropriate to act like parents and even more specifically, to emulate your parents behavior. However, if you behave in such a way as to exaggerate things your parents do that you don’t like, it will likely result in discord for both of you. Use this time as a learning opportunity and if you have some frustrations regarding your and your parents’ relationship, it would be better to discuss that with them separate from this activity. Secondly, be forewarned, this is a day for role reversal! In other words, you will assume the role and responsibilities of a parent. This is not a day for you to act like children without parents. There is a big difference.
Make the goal of this day to learn as much as you can.
Some little things I’ve observed: Children who tend towards resenting your authority are likely to throw their authority in your face. This is uncomfortable, as you might imagine. Some children will love the chance to have power and delight in silly things like having soda and candy without asking. Some children will delight in the opportunity to have responsibility and will diligently take care of the tasks at hand. And most interestingly- each time I have been reaffirmed that the role of an active attentive, wise and loving parent is so crucially important. Without that, I don’t think the children will stand a chance at knowing how to “be a parent” for a day. Furthermore, they will not be set up well to take on the role themselves should they become parents.
The most valuable discovery I’ve made doing this experiment is discovering how my children view me as a parent. Me, more than my husband, simply because I’m with them more. They may be very generous and make large attempts to satisfy my desires and request, but they may also respond with things like “No,” “too bad,” and “well, deal with it.” Those things are hard to hear as an adult. I had to swallow my pride more then a few times in the day.
A second discovery is that this experiment really surfaces each child’s maturity level. The reality is one we’ve all heard before: with freedom comes responsibility. While some personalities may desperately want more freedom, they may not have the maturity to handle the responsibility. This is super helpful to parenting.
For example, my oldest can handle quite a bit of responsibility and likes the opportunity to prove herself. My second oldest would love more freedom but had a very difficult time with the responsibility. She would benefit from more isolated occasions to prove herself in order to gain confidence and she desperately wants me to trust her with more. At one point during the day, she hugged me and said, “I love you Mommy. I love you more as my mommy, but I love you like this too.” Although she desperately wanted the chance to prove herself and make her own choices, she missed me taking charge to keep things smooth for everyone. She missed me being her comforter and was genuinely sad not to have a mother. My third oldest (6) still needs a loving, comforting mother to guide her day and her emotions with wisdom. She has three times now dropped out of the role reversal before the day was over.
Let me know how it goes with your family!
What rules did you come up with? What were the results? Most importantly what did you learn and would you do it again?
